intoward surrender

what goes with me everywhere

concedes me not to move—

my barely breathing heart

here i am:

embroiled in a take

and give

of suffocating layers

acetaminophen vials

 

tear-battered eyelashes

 

collapsing into grasp

of an “i’ll let go never.”

 

falls of risen heat

his chest shudders

i run a gentle fingertip

under the matted locks—

the softest temples.

 

thundering my liquefied vision

aloft

on the parallels of the room

finding myself impartial

on how dust sours its film

 

is this going to stop?

who’s to tell me it’s okay?

 

something i recall never needing

not in all those other moments of pain.

 

but here, evening

i wish nothing was

the same damn same.

 

all these empty voices

some of them so true

 

blades clipping at particles of air

pitching paranoia to my ears

i would care,

care i don’t.

this is the sort of moment

my wants are naught.

 

not that it matters

schemes soiling dreams with false lullibies

 

so serious it all gets

when

what i hold with everything but my hands

crumbles in goodbye.

 

a mother can only cradle his fevered grace—

in arm’s brazen cage

 

this is the who i am

sight had never seen.

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